Friday, February 01, 2008

milk and honey

contrary to popular belief--this is not the land of milk and honey. i admit that we do, in fact, have a milk cow. i also admit that i am in the process of acquiring a couple of working bee hives. will we have milk and honey? yes. this little piece of land having milk and honey doesn't make it utopia.

our elysium is only because we will it so. lately i have been feeling threatened. factors beyond my control are innocently conspiring to threaten our reality. today i am feeling responsible. through this blog i have painted a picture of MY nirvana. i have erroneously glazed over the heartache, disappointments and concessions. this life we have chosen is more difficult than anything i have ever attempted.

everyone from this area that knew we were moving here would have bet against all odds that we would have washed up and moved back to california--people remind us of this all the time. having been here for almost three years i see their perspective--i would have bet against us also. this life choice has put pressures on my relationship that bent it BEYOND the breaking point. the fact that we survived is a testament to our compassion for each other--mostly tabitha's compassion of me.

i am a man of will. i have always believed that i can do anything. this endeavor tested my metal like nothing before. if there existed a scenario where only my will was necessary to bend reality enough to accomplish this paradise i would admit this a reasonable feat. it is not.

could i have bought my way into this life? there isn't enough money to gain the respect of these locals. people here in the ozarks are hardened by generations of difficulty. new comers throwing money at their problems are seen as suckers. the only thing that they respect is people of will--a few good introductions didn't hurt. longterm happiness here requires that the community embrace you.

the troubles that threaten our reality might cause us to leave here. i have already begun exploring other options--none of them as savory as continuing our attempts here. there are so many things left to do. i haven't even finished my root cellar. i want the simple life, albeit fraught with hard work. mostly i want to be left alone.
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