Friday, February 01, 2008

milk and honey

contrary to popular belief--this is not the land of milk and honey. i admit that we do, in fact, have a milk cow. i also admit that i am in the process of acquiring a couple of working bee hives. will we have milk and honey? yes. this little piece of land having milk and honey doesn't make it utopia.

our elysium is only because we will it so. lately i have been feeling threatened. factors beyond my control are innocently conspiring to threaten our reality. today i am feeling responsible. through this blog i have painted a picture of MY nirvana. i have erroneously glazed over the heartache, disappointments and concessions. this life we have chosen is more difficult than anything i have ever attempted.

everyone from this area that knew we were moving here would have bet against all odds that we would have washed up and moved back to california--people remind us of this all the time. having been here for almost three years i see their perspective--i would have bet against us also. this life choice has put pressures on my relationship that bent it BEYOND the breaking point. the fact that we survived is a testament to our compassion for each other--mostly tabitha's compassion of me.

i am a man of will. i have always believed that i can do anything. this endeavor tested my metal like nothing before. if there existed a scenario where only my will was necessary to bend reality enough to accomplish this paradise i would admit this a reasonable feat. it is not.

could i have bought my way into this life? there isn't enough money to gain the respect of these locals. people here in the ozarks are hardened by generations of difficulty. new comers throwing money at their problems are seen as suckers. the only thing that they respect is people of will--a few good introductions didn't hurt. longterm happiness here requires that the community embrace you.

the troubles that threaten our reality might cause us to leave here. i have already begun exploring other options--none of them as savory as continuing our attempts here. there are so many things left to do. i haven't even finished my root cellar. i want the simple life, albeit fraught with hard work. mostly i want to be left alone.

21 comments:

Kathie said...

Sending good thoughts and positive vibes your way so that no matter what that which you seek can be found with your loved ones beside you.

Phoebe Gleeson said...

I ditto kathie.

tansy said...

i hope whatever is going on can be resolved and whatever path you choose will bring you and tabitha much happiness.

Lisa said...

Oh, no! As a new country transplant, I depend on more seasoned homesteaders like yourselves. I agree that I have never worked so hard, but I think it is a good thing. It certainly more enjoyable work to build a simple life than to live and work in (and for) the city.

I hope your current challenges are just that... challenges and that you come to a peaceful conclusion, whatever that might be.

sugarcreekfarm said...

Your pile is in my prayers. (Hugs)

Kevin and Beth said...

Karl, I am sad for you, in some strange way I am sad for me too. I'm kind of scared that I won't be able to see you build your chicken house and watch your garden grow this spring. You are an inspriration to so many people. Everyday I check to see what the pile is up to. Spring is almost here. Beth

pablo said...

I wish I could do something to relieve whatever stresses you're facing right now.

jayedee said...

whatever fails to kill us, only makes us stronger.....although there are days where we want to jump up and down and scream that we are strong enough already!
please know that prayers are being said and positive energy sent your way and whatever difficulty you face will soon be resolved!

Gina said...

More hugs and community support to you and your beautiful family. I hope a clearing in the clouds come soon for you guys.

mommymommyland said...

That sucks, I hope that it all works out for the best in teh end. You have made such strides on your homestead, and it would be a shame to have to leave it all behind.

Madeline said...

If only we on this blog ring could bring our homesteads and farms together into one community, without having to start from scratch...

This is a very hard life without community support. May a new solution or new sane and generous member of your community soon appear.

Anonymous said...

Praying for you and yours. I read your blog often you have helped tp inspire my family and have given us much hope that we aren't alone in our dreams for something simpler.

edifice rex said...

Don't give up karl! Everyone told me I was nuts (OK, maybe that's true but that's fine) and that I would never have anything, either as a construction worker or wanting to build my own house. I know also what it is like to not fit in (1 woman amongst 100 men) but they finally accepted me and I think your family can be accepted too. Ohhh, it so hard when you are different for everyone around you but please don't let them get to you. I hope everything works out for the best.

Christy said...

I'm sorry that things are so hard right now. I wish you all the best.

Aurora said...

I "know" Tabitha from MDC. I have followed your blog for a while. I wish you and yours the very best and will keep you in my prayers.

Wendy said...

I can relate to those feelings of not quite fitting. When we first moved here, all of my husband's friends and family let me know that no matter how long I live here, I will always be "from away." It hurt my feelings, at first, and now, I don't care, and because I don't care, they leave me alone :) ... or they clamor at my door for attention. Either way is fine with me. "They" finally figured out they couldn't beat me, and those who wished, decided to join me ;).

It took a long time. I've been here ten years. So, take heart. Someday, they'll either embrace you for your wonderful uniqueness or they'll leave you the hell alone - I'm sure at that point, either way will suit you just fine ;).

You do good stuff, Karl. It's not easy to be the guy who's different, but if this lifestyle is what really works for your family, don't let set-backs and nay-sayers scare you off. You can make it work, if it's what you really want ;).

Jessica said...

You and Tabitha are in my thoughts. I know you wouldn't consider leaving lightly, so I hope whatever is going on can be resolved.

Alecto said...

I think you are all heroic and I don't think for a minute that what you do is easy but I understand that we filter a lot of the really hard stuff out when we write. I wish the best for all of you and if it is the right thing, that you find a way to stay, and if it is not, that you find your way.

Blue skies - Alecto

Dean and Kim said...

I have read your blog for 3 years now....you are household name "Today omelay dad did...."ect. You have given me great ideas and I have envied your garden for 2 years now! I hope that what ever challenge you are facing can be resolved and that your family can reach some happiness and peace.

If not come to Idaho! :) We always accept the "freaks" lol well they have accepted us anyway.
Good luck and many prayers for your family.

Kim

hillbilly2be said...

"people here in the ozarks are hardened by generations of difficulty. new comers throwing money at their problems are seen as suckers. the only thing that they respect is people of will"

Well said, Karl. And boy have we found it to be true as well. Good thing for us we too have a lot of will. :)

I also have found myself reading your blog. I enjoyed your chicken coop plans, and I too have an unfinished root cellar on my hands. So, I know the feeling of being half-way there. :)

I too tend to see the silver lining, and fail to mention the frustrations, the bad moments, the things that do not go well. And our journey is that of three separate people - my blog just gives my usually-optimistic perspective.

I thought I should mention that we unschool, and you and I probably have quite a bit in common. I'm guessing that West Plains would be about 1/2 way between us. So, if you'd ever like to get together at a family-friendly coffee shop (Cup of Joes in West Plains?) let me know. We're starting to meet a few in that area that we can hang out with.

Take care,
Ron

Robbyn said...

We're rooting for you. Knowing that this lifestyle comes with a price tag far beyond money helps keep us grounded in our expectations of the time we're attempting it ourselves. Thank you for allowing all of us to share in the ups and downs as you chronicle the journey. Wherever it takes you, thank you for the privilege!

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