Time flies

The past two years since we have left Missouri many things have changed. I got my old and favorite job back. We moved back to Alameda. We rekindled many old relationships and started many more. We found a church that we love. California has embraced us with love and family. I fell sick with a bacterial infection which destroyed my heart valve. I had open heart surgery. Tabitha and the kids were horror struck with the possibility of loosing me. Our church (family), my coworkers (family), our friends (family) and neighbors (family) came to our rescue. Things were very bad but we were surrounded by love and compassion.

My recovery has been amazing, by the grace of God. Life since the operation has been gradually better and better. Kassi, Toly and Tristan take amazing art classes. We ride down to the beach on our bikes often--Rome loves the water. Tristan foil fences at the local academy. I usually go and watch him. Although, last night was my first time watching in a few weeks. He is amazing. He is really skilled, compassionate, gracious and loves it. I have gotten several promotions at work. Mostly I do what I love, so it is not really like work.

Our church is beyond words. The impossible happened we love our church so much that we miss it all week. Some of my older friends know how amazing this is. My oldest friends likely see it as a home coming.

Never during the past years did we imagine that we could own a house in California in a neighborhood that we could settle. Now it is really happening. The blessed grace that I feel overwhelms me. Thank you everyone that helped us and continue to help us. We are truly blessed to have you all.

Family photos

A test of faith

So we have been trying to buy this house. It has been one crazy roller coaster. The crazy peaks and unsettling dips seem to get bigger and deeper not closer together like they should. Anyone in the house buying market right now can attest these are crazy times.

I am resigning myself that this is a lesson of the classic Serenity prayer. "May God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can and the wisdom to know the difference." Boy that prayer is surely a tall order. It is the keynote in all the twelve step programs for good reason.

I have managed to mostly convince myself that I have enough wisdom that us getting into this house is Gods will. So we have been taking several leaps of faith. Our risk is financial and wouldn't ruin us--nearly though. The true ruin would come with the emotional heartbreak if this were to somehow fall through.

We love this house. It would be more perfect than any other house we could afford. We are in the final throws of the battle with lenders, seller and insurances. It is so scary and consumes many of my mental cycles that I have available at any moment.

My only prayer for this is that it is Gods will. The photo shows part of the backyard. Most, if not all, of the concrete would get removed and become garden. The yard is exceptionally large for Berkeley. †

Summer camp

Tristan and Kassi have been at summer camp all week. Tabitha and the boys drove them out there last Sunday after church. Tabitha and the young boys stayed overnight and visited the giant sequoias and swam in their pool.

We are leaving this morning to go get them. I will take photos and share.

The house buying is going well. We find ourselves chatting and planning as if it is already ours. It would be bitter heartbreak if things fell through at this late date. Tabitha has been amazing weaving through the bureaucracy and continually saving us money and unnecessary troubles.

The square peg and round hole

I am plagued by a question that a friend asked me last evening. I'm paraphrasing "What if anything seems to help your child when the ADHD/bipolar starts REALLY affecting everyone around?" The question was much more pleading and delicately posed. I could not answer at that moment. Probably because my answer requires too many subtleties and nuances for brief conversation. Mostly, I was dumbstruck.

I have a compassionate affection for his son, he reminds me of my older sister as a child. Having lost sleep last night over this I must attempt to congeal my feelings into a comprehensive and expressible thought. By the way, I know that I risk appearing judgmental--please don't take it that way. My motivations are love and compassion.

In comparing my child to his I feel as though I have been given certain liberties. My child is fine, your child is fine. He is simply a square peg and society is a round hole. There are two clear paths to take. Shave the square peg and attempt to fit him into the round hole. Or, wallow the hole out so that the square peg might fit.

Recent society overwhelmingly says whittle down the edges with drugs and conveniently that child fits. But what about those missing parts? What about the gaps? The missing parts are what makes your child unique. The gaps are to forever be filled with dependency on drugs--a behavior he is learning right now. To fit in I must take my medicine.

The most difficult path is the latter. It is difficult for everyone involved--especially you. Society seems unyielding and unrelenting in it's expectations. You must alter society and his surroundings for him. I know it sounds crazy but imagine what you are teaching him. As he grows up he will realize that he can mold the world around him. Soon he will know how to mold his world by second nature. Think of the truly great and successful people. They are the ones that mold the world around them.

Admittedly the square peg must be facing the proper direction but it indeed has a place to fit. That is your reprieve as a parent. There will be those moments where the stars align and everything just works. Your son is clever can realize this. He will alter his behavior to fit into an attractively shaped hole. It is the near impossible path since it is likely not in your nature to alter society, to change the rules, to stand out. Love will win-out.

I might fail at this tomorrow or in ten years. But, having had a sister on ritalin her entire childhood gives me an unusual perspective. For me this is what feels right. I (with my wife's help) can and will make a square hole for my child to fit. Else, I will fail but at least I have followed my heart to what I believe is right.

Hopefully we can live here someday?

This is the house that we are in escrow with. We really could use some well wishes and prayers. Tabitha has been amazing. She is nearly single-handedly making it closer to possible for us to buy this house in Berkeley. She has spent many many anxious and grueling hours filling forms, finding documents talking/negotiating with our real-estate agent and lenders, taking seminars meanwhile home-schooling our kids. The sinking feeling of complete lack of control is overwhelming. This will be quite a blog worthy adventure. The house needs an incredible amount of work.

everyone that prayed, sent good thoughts my way when I was due for my heart operation. Whomever you are please pray and send good thoughts toward a little boy named Noah. he is my friend and has to go into have brain surgery soon. we need a miracle, so please pray for one. Noah is in a lot of pain and is having surgical procedures on 3 consecutive days. Please, please pray.

savant

Toly has been planing chess for a couple of weeks. He might have discovered his super power. Now when Tristan beats Toly it is a "Big Deal." Tristan relishes in showing me the complexity of his checkmate piece placement. The standard pick each other down until few pieces are left always ends in a physical battle. This is strangely forcing elegance in the actual play. Berkeley chess club is likely in Tolys future.

We have been stricken with the great sicknesses of 2012. Kassi spent the night in the hospital in I.V. fluids the night before last. I finally succumbed stomach flu portion while Tabitha and Kassi were at childrens hospital. That was some evil business. My throat still hurts and I can hardly talk from the vomiting. I am barely on the mend but must return to work. We really need the money especially right now.

Tristan took care of me and the boys in true big brother fashion. I am so proud to know him, truly a remarkable person. Kassi looks much better but still is having trouble getting her stomach started after the illness shut her down. Toly is teaching Rome how to play chess. It is the cutest thing ever to listen to them. Rome wrote his name for the first time yesterday. He then proceeded to write it everywhere. Luckily it was only in chalk.

Tabitha and the kids are still on deck for baptism this Holy Saturday. This incapacitating illness has kept our attention else. It might be a good thing, but such a high price for distraction. The struggle continues...

Chess has become a favored game in just a week

Toly has learned to play chess in a week. Sure he has seen Tristan and I play many times. About a week ago I sat for the first time and taught Toly all the pieces. Last night he beat Tabitha. He already uses pieces and combinations to achieve a common goal. He sees obvious attacks easily. Since that first game he has played hundreds of games. I see a real competition brewing between Toly and Tristan. Toly might have discovered something he can beat Tristan at with a reasonable amount of effort.

 

Currently the crew is getting sick again. Kassi has a stomach bug. We have somehow managed to keep from getting it for weeks and weeks now. I hope it concludes before next Saturday.

Tabitha, Kassi, Toly and rome will be Baptized next Saturday. Everyone is invited that can come. stnicholasmarin.org. It will be a full immersion event.

My friend Walter at sugar mountain is having a fundraiser. It is a worthy cause if there ever was a worthy cause. kickstarter. click over there and get inspired about an extremely motivated and talented family.

Thank you

I hope to be beginning again in earnest to post to this blog. This past year has been a whirlwind of extremes. With so much drama it has seemed rather soap-opera-ish to talk of our daily lives. Having a dearth of cool projects to pore over and recant doesn't help.

How we are all doing:

My job is amazing! I love it. My spiritual world has amplified such to leave me sated in a way never before dreamed.

Tabitha, my miraculous wife, is doing very well. California agrees with her. She is beautiful and I am certainly only one of the many that think so.

Tristan, brilliant boy that he is, makes me proud everyday. Kind, gentle, fair and amazing are words that others use to describe him to me regularly. Fencing, singing and learning are his world right now. Soon he'll be able to beat me at chess--and I am no slouch. He has a profoundly stronger mind than I and he is only nine.

Kassi, my princess artist, sees the world with such razor clarity. She easily captures the essence of things when she draws or paints. Ballet and art are her world.

Toly, the engineer, is compelled to know how everything works, where every pipe or wire lead. His passion is not of this world yet contained in his strong and able body. The leader of the duo-of-naughtiness--with a will of steel.

Rome, my baby of three years, is the Kwisatz Haderach combining the best of all three of his siblings in a crescendo of sweet brilliance. able comrade in the duo-of-naughtiness--in charge of schemes and conspiracies.

Chess

I am so excited for the day that Tristan really beats me at chess. I can hardly wait... Just in the past few weeks his brain has obviously changed to see many possible futures and how he might affect them. Exciting times at the pile of omelays.

I am sure that fencing (aka: physical chess) is a great contributor to this development.

Monistary visit in Calistoga, CA

The Kids playing by the koi pond

A saint for every day on one icon

Kassi so princessly.

These koi like cheerios

A lovely day in Caliostoga.

The koi were a huge hit.


Then we went on a hike above Calistoga.


the boys and girls have a completely different idea of fun on the trail.

Warm and sunny the first week of February.

The trail head on the way down.

Nicola carrying Rome (his future Godson). I bet Nicola is sore today

We stopped for pizza

Rome trying to steal the car

The kids ate first.

Then it was the adults turn


My work got me a new camera. It is truly a point and shoot. It is fast like the old days of film. Low light conditions are nothing for it. The Icon shot was in a very dimly lit room. The camera is a Canon powershot elph100hs. The interface is the simplest yet. I have taken several days of photos and the battery still reads full. If you are tired of missing those really cute shots because your camera is slow this is your answer...

Tristans first fencing tournament

Tristan in on the right side. his opponent is in foil 3. Tristan just graduated to foil 2. getting from foil 2 to foil 3 usually takes a few years. he really held his own for his first tournament.

It seems that not a day goes by where someone is telling me what a great person Tristan is. I am so proud of him.

Thanksgiving at Mount Tamalpais

Thanksgiving was our one year anniversary of leaving Missouri. Yes, it has been a whole year already. We packed our every possession into a rental trailer and went to our wonderful friends for thanksgiving dinner. Wonderfully bitter sweet, it was to be the last time we would see close friends for a long time. After a delicious dinner we said our goodbyes and headed for the state line into a snow storm.


This thanksgiving we had much to be thankful for. Most especially, that I am still on this mortal coil. My brush with death weighed heavily on our first year here. The financial ruin of being off work for several months will keep us especially humble for years to come. I still see the sadness in my children's eyes sometimes.

This past thanksgiving we spent at church. It is a glorious place--God lives there. After a brief service many of us went to mushroom hunting at Mount Tamalpais water shed.


The kids hiked, played and, frolicked.

Earlier that morning there was a light rain and the woods were magical.
Here we are being instructed about the proper mushrooms to collect. Father Stephan is an expert mushroom hunter.


The trails were so beautiful. Keep up Rome there are mountain lions here...

These are Honey Mushrooms
.

The hike was about five miles maybe seven. Here we are at the top. Toly ran most of the way.


This is the top of this trail where we waited for the clouds to part and reveal the peak. Kassi and Rome flitted around like bundles of energy.


Tristan collecting thatching for a school project.


Just off the trail was quite steep.

But, that was where all the mushrooms were.

Father holding a huge bunch.


Tabitha spotted, hiked down and picked the prize of the day.

A huge lions mane.

After the hike dinner was fabulous, decadent beyond our current diet and much appreciated.

It was a perfect day.

soap making in the city

Our church has a bazaar coming up very soon. Our contribution was teaching soap making and making a bunch of soap. Tabitha put together a whole curriculum.

I made a bunch of soap molds the days leading up to the event.

They needed to greased up and put together.



father Stephan kept dropping in to see what was happening.

Kassi's Godmother sporting the latest in kitchen wear.

It was quite a production.

Not really something to eat.

mix until trace....

The pouring of the liquid soap.



Here is a bunch of cut soap from the day previous--an attempt to teach the whole process.

This soap is set and ready to cut.

Here I am at home cutting the soap made the the previous day at church.



I made this miter-box in Missouri.